I Keep Holding On...

When you think you shut down something in order to avoid a terrible mistake, you end up making more mistakes to add to the one that you thought you've avoided. That was destroying something that was already strained in the most fantastic of ways. So i can do what, exactly...avoid being dishonest? I made myself look stupid in my decisions in love, and now I have nothing here in this heart. Working has replaced my emotions. I can't muster enough to recapture what was, nor even spark what little I have left. That explains why my ass is up on All Hallows' Eve typing this shit to you all. But the title has its purpose. I must regain ground. My capoeira has been stronger and trickier than the old mess I've practiced. I have gained three jobs, one being an entrepreneurship. I have eaten and felt healthier. To conclude these revelations for now, I've finally learned how to say "no", without actually saying it! Thank egun! i attribute all of my experiences of this up and down "5" year to my ancestors and orisa, and how they've guided me through my tumult ans triumphs. Albeit there's a lingering love that I still carry for this person, I still recognize that movement happens when you initiate the move. I don't regret the situation. In fact, as much as it hurts to see her smile without me, it actually makes me happy to see her do so, knowing all of the things she's experienced in the past three years. I will continue to ask for more blessing for her family and their livelihood.

As for me...well, I plan on taking this new business further. By January, I hope to make it officially a running non-profit for this community. I made a silly assumption about how I felt and did not listen to the inner God about this person that made a presence after my ex. Thank goodness it was short lived and not a situation of presumable love. I needed true time after my ex, and I didn't give it enough, due to my weakness in accepting the relationship's downfall. therefore, my egun let me know quickly what I needed to do to return back to my higher self. Truth be told, I do miss my ex, but I don't miss the struggling. I wish I didn't have to split with her, but I think we both did so in order to be better people. Maybe there will be a recon or our souls or togetherness. Until then, we are reminded to treasure the good times that or emotions bring us. Funny how love works. I am reminded by Caretta Bell's song verse: "Love Lets You Be Free."

You are sure right, Ms. Bell.

Ifeanyi Okoro
10/31/2010

"Confessions of an Aquarian" - Part I

I couldn't pronounce "Fuddruckers" without switching the f and the first r around .



I had innumerable nicknames that I've given myself.



I lied to protect someone telling the truth, facing a devastating penalty.

Guess what happened next?



I loved Prairie View A&M University, before I found out it was part of the Texas A&M University System...in which, became my favorite college.

I attended the University of Houston.



I used to eat paper.



I sniffed Elmer's school glue just to see what the result was.

I'm fine.



Oral sex is bothersome at times.

It doesn't mean I don't like it.



My dreams involve every type of human being and their lifestyles...

and whatever I dream is just a version



I flirt with danger, trouble, and bankruptcy, but...

women are purely innocent and not on purpose.



Suicide was a choice after my mother passed...

and when I break up with women...

and when I breathe.



Tears For Fears and Depeche Mode are some of my favorite bands.



My longest love for someone was also my crush.

Turns out the one thing we had in common was barely seeing each other.

We never dated.



I am a night owl, more than an early bird...but I'm still both.



I love kissing more than sex.

Sometimes it's a tie...a tongue tie.



I prayed for older women to take notice of me when I was in my teens.

Since then, I have only dated two younger than me, and the rest were at least three or more years older.



I'm a Toys 'R' Us kid that worked at his favorite dream job...

and...

was accused of video game theft.



I have had a gun pointed at me since 1998 at least 3 times. Some would say, unless I'm in a gang, or a police officer, maybe even in the service...

That's too much.



I've never been shot at. I have been threatened....

by my father...

I still wonder if it really was a glock or a BB gun.



My mother and father didn't tell me much about sex.

I saw it everywhere. Late night...

On accident

When you're bored and you walk in to your parent's/aunt's room unannounced...

In Disney films...



In all seriousness, I thought girls had penises when I was young.



I purposely tried to talk deep, ruining my singing voice, so I could talk like the "cool boys" in church. Turns out, puberty punished me.



I have done sexual acts that only trail rape as a unpopular decision to go through.



I have written final notes and poems to people that have totally bamboozled me, emotionally, in relationships...

One person gave it back with the flowers I sent...

In the things of mine she shoved out.



Virgos are HIGHLY magnetized to me. If you're a Virgo, well...

It may have something to do with my Astrology chart having Virgo in it, heavily.

Every class that I've entered at least had 8 Virgo children enrolled.

I have a love/hate relationship with Virgos.

My cousin (rest in peace), my uncle, the school-children, poets, Posdnous...



Even after a woman has exclaimed sex with me was excellent or great...

I don't believe them much. I'm not confident unless they are tapped out. Pun may or may not be intended.



I've used and loved Totally Tulip.



I like more female high-spirited songs than so called R&B songs.



My dad was a great DJ.



I was the last to know about my father's affairs with other women until I came back home from college.



I don't give a fuck about the English language.
That's why I hope to learn Igbo and other African languages.



I don't trust elder bald men.



Was crazy enough to bury my ex-'s underwear in the ground near my old apartment because I wanted her to stay.
Some months after the eviction, I received calls from her to hang out.



Cruelty, as I got into a bitter argument with an ex, and even got to the point where when things got out of hand, asked for the toys I bought for the children back.



I am downright eccentric.



I'm a "breast" man.



I quit my higher paying job to work back in the 'hood.



I adore black women...sometimes I compliment them.



I ate three large boxes of pizza from Pizza Hut.
Even took the tip off of he table and gave it back to my parents, thinking they left it on accident.

I'd originally wanted this to be a poem.


Ifeanyi Okoro II

"French Disconnection"

"30 poems in 30 days" was a challenge, not a contest, presented to the few willing to take it upon their duties to create in anyway way, shape, or form, with no strenuous, strict rules, started December 15th, 2009, and ended January 13th, 2010.

#23 of 30

I am supposed to accommodate for your lack of patience
Your unwillingness to compromise
This overwhelming feeling to reach into my pockets and
steal from me
This disease you have
Fucking with others
And having the nerve to ask for something for your
pain and suffering
You've contracted from others
And I refuse to lay with you
Or your memories
And that giant ass fort you want to build
So I cast you out of my mind
And make sure that after this rift
I will rebuild
And you will pay for your
intrusion into my heart

Ifeanyi Okoro II © 2010

"Irresponsible Reggae"

"30 poems in 30 days" is a challenge, not a contest, presented to the few willing to take it upon their duties to create in anyway way, shape, or form, with no strenuous, strict rules, starting December 15th, 2009, and ending January 13th, 2010.





#17 of 30





Somewhere inside this dusky incense-laden domain
I'm grinding with this she-spirit
And it's a mutual agreement
To wind both of our waists
And grab
And push
Together

It's a beat that is forbidden in my dreams
Hidden in my fantasies
Just under the cuffs of her pant legs
Tucked inside her short, multi-colored cutoff...

A rhythmic thump and she won't stop
Licking my neck for salt
Accompanying her malt
My head buried in the dip of her shoulders and collarbone area

Steady...

It smells like sweet lilac and lusting eyes
I'm trying my best to stop our twisting
But you cannot deny God
His matinee
He paid for it
Creating four Ifa days
Saving this one for his rest and entertainment

The lights dim
The smokes erects into the atmosphere

It's is divination
Divine dancing in a hedonistic mindset
I'm basically
Penetrating
Without proper protection
In comes music
I can't stop its rush

The heart beats accelerate
The skin retracts
The needle reaches the end groove
Thus producing the
Birth of desire

Ifeanyi Okoro II © 2010

"Sleepwalking"

"30 poems in 30 days" is a challenge, not a contest, presented to the few willing to take it upon their duties to create in anyway way, shape, or form, with no strenuous, strict rules, starting December 15th, 2009, and ending January 13th, 2010.

#14 of 30


Every dream that takes a stroll
Across my lucid landscape
I wonder what it holds in its hands
I wish that it would give me a
Birthday present to erase the past
From behind its back as it hides
Nice surprises I'd already know about
How to fix pain
Patching the torn fabric of a union
Only to
Torch that sumbitch again...
With the right liquids and flame
I don't want too much help
Dealing with my fated future
Band-Aid hopes and repeat apologies
Given due to martyrdom and fault grabs
Throwing my lighter up
Pushing my history of bad relations down
Into a barrel rusted and named
"Ifeanyi"
And let that shit burn inside
Until the ashes reside down in the
Bottom of my heart
And I'll smudge the outsides
With artistic thumbing
And make my desires
Of memories and reveries
Black and proud



Ifeanyi Okoro II © 2010

"Smiles Around My Area"

I am honored to participate in a flourishing exercise of "30 in 30". This is a challenge, not a contest, presented to the few willing to take it upon their duties to create thirty poems in thirty days in anyway way, shape, or form, no strenuous and strict rules, starting December 15th, 2009, through January 13th, 2010. (Twitter hashtag #30in30)

Here's #11 of 30 of the "30 in 30" project

Ifeanyi Okoro II (CopperSoul)
Houston, Tx

i am rethinking my whole approach

wishing that i could have been that father

loving

caring

cradling

helping

her

and so

here i am again

approaching thoughts

being a fatherly wish

hating

scolding

dropping

denying

myself

finally

here i will always be

with wishful thinking

a father of unborn futures

mixed emotions

separated actions

trying to be truthful

with my heart lying amongst pain

doing what's needed

to blanket her soul once again

here...

i am

where

is she?

Hopefully safe, laughing, and in comfort.

© 2009 Ifeanyi Okoro II

'Seasons'

I am honored to participate in a flourishing exercise of "30 in 30". This is a challenge, not a contest, presented to the few willing to take it upon their duties to create thirty poems in thirty days in anyway way, shape, or form, no strenuous and strict rules, starting December 15th, 2009, through January 13th, 2010. (Twitter hashtag #30in30)

Here's #7 of 30 of the "30 in 30" project
Ifeanyi Okoro II (CopperSoul)
Houston, Tx

You'd wish that
Gifts and toys would be the
Holiday surprise you'd like to unwrap
And here comes an unraveling
Of a pairing
In a bow and tag
Dresses nice for show
Presented for presents' sake
Burning the yule log at all ends
With your hopes and dreams listed on papyrus
Aflame
And here goes
The tree of past regressions
Tinseled and garland gown
Star
All that glitters
Gone up in smoke.
Nothing merry but the end of
A strenuous wait.

© 2009 Ifeanyi Okoro II